i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
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we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
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Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?