I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
A+ Viking dick