whjeg hajt iyt
wanna hang out?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
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The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
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I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying