Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.