I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
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she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
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Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW