haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that