...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
