Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
