i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
