3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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