the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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