Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
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