What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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