Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize