Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
