I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
