i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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