I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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