sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You are a genius and a whore.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
