Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
