Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
