haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
