...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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