some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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