Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize