She's JV to your varsity
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
