There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
