she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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