Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
