I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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