drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
