I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
