You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
