everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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