and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
