On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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