I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
