i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
