my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
