I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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