I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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