my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you guys were way drunker than both of me
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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