Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
