Umm I'm too high to move.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
