Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
