How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
