Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize