I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
