There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
