someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
