I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
