Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
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so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
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pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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