so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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