he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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