me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
