he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
