carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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