I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
