I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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