Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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