It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
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I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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