It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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