So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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