I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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