Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
