i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
