I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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