He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
