I showed him my bush... on skype.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
